The Ninja Printer Assassin

[Mina]

Posting this while I'm angry, I'm not amused. However everyone else in the chat room demands this be shared.

I come into work this morning knowing I need to print some highly classified documents. My path to my desk has me go past the copier room. I glance inside as I walk past, mostly cause that room is bright as fuck and just draws my attention when I walk past. This is important because I remember it looking fine.

I get to my desk and I log onto BG, chat a little with everyone. Jokes. Blah blah. I remember that I needed to print out that important document for my boss's meeting. Before I ever print anything super important I double check the copier room to make sure it's empty or I do a mad dash to the room when I hit the print button.

The printer room echos a lot. Like if you whisper in there, you can hear it from my desk. The printers make a ton of noise too when they print. Can hear that even farther than my office. So that room is not quiet at all.

I hit the print button and make a mad dash to the printer room. When I get there, I'm stunned. The printers don't look the way I remember.

There are 3 printers in that room. 1 of them is unplugged because it stopped working a month ago and no one has cared to fix it. The other two work fine... well.. WORKED fine. All three printers had been smashed. The glass part was shattered and the insides had been crushed. Flabbergasted, I run to HR (which is not that far away) and explain what happened.

I wasn't alone in the HR room. The security guy was in there too, talking about how someone broke into the security office and shut off the copier room camera. I didn't have time to figure out what had happened based on this--I had to get those documents printed.

So I'm calling people, begging to borrow a printer/computer. Obviously they declined to help because I refuse to identify what documents I am printing and will be borrowing a computer to print these documents. I give up and drive home. Print it out. Head back in.

So as I get in, I get trapped by HR and the security guy along with several other higher ups. Since I was the "first to the crime" they asked if I saw anyone suspicious. Suspicious? No. The security guy takes me to his room and has me look at the picture of this man's(we assume) arm. It's blurry as hell but what was crazy is that this guy not only went into the security room, he had to army crawl his way around the office cubicles.

His arm is stretched out from behind a cubicle wall, opening the security room door. Video footage has him closing the door again 2 minutes later. That's the only footage we have of this guy.

He had to crawl past no less than 3 cameras (one of them twice) to get to the copier room. But even if he made it to the copier room undetected, he would also have to crawl either back to his own cubicle or somewhere where he could stand up and not be seen as awkward or out of place.

Security has been rolling the past few minutes of this footage for a good 45 minutes trying to see if we can find out who did it.

Fuck this guy.

[Grieverbk]

This is what happens when you fuck with someone's swingline.

[Xajii]

this guy is a hero i fucking hate printers

[Pharaun]

This is what happens when you fuck with someone's swingline.

Also happens when you tell them to turn down their music, especially when they have it at a reasonable volume.

[Charismatic]

Like I said in chat... if this guy makes it through the day without getting caught:




But seriously, how amazing is this guy to make this happen without a sound and the only clue you have is a blurry arm.
HE DID THIS DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, SERIOUSLY.

[Grieverbk]

Also happens when you tell them to turn down their music, especially when they have it at a reasonable volume.

inb4 Mina reports that her building has burned to the ground.

[The Blackrose]

Sounds like someone was on a sneaking mission.

[Charismatic]

Sounds like someone was on a sneaking mission.

this guy is a hero i fucking hate printers

http://cdn.bluegartr.com/customavata...ar31523_16.gif

Virtuous Mission

[Rocl]

world first

[Cantih]

Wanted for questioning

[Mina]

Oh I forgot. They ruled out both me and the security guy out because we have footage of him entering the bathroom the same time as his arm was out and they have a clear angle of my desk so I had no way of leaving my desk without being seen. Originally they thought I had done it due to my attitude/me vanishing from the building shortly after explaining what happened. I was mostly flustered because I had a deadline to print shit out and I had no time to mess around.

:/ Biggest question I had for the security guy was why isn't the security room monitored by a camera? Don't places usually do this? (I assume they would for some reason, I know nothing about security) Anyways. Sounds like they will be installing new cameras around the office.

[Rocl]

still don't get the motive

[The Blackrose]

still don't get the motive

http://wonkette.com/wp-content/uploa...eve-martin.jpg

HE HATES THESE PRINTERS!

[Mina]

Like I said in chat... if this guy makes it through the day without getting caught:

But seriously, how amazing is this guy to make this happen without a sound and the only clue you have is a blurry arm.
HE DID THIS DURING THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY, SERIOUSLY.

Apparently they don't have any leads. It's interesting that he chose the time he did (when people are entering the building) I come in early for most of the staff. The probability that he should have been caught is awfully high.

Edit: Unless he was stalking the window somehow and saw that no cars were pulling up and knew he was in the clear as soon as the security guard left. That'd be some pro shit planning though.

[Vuitton]

Someone must really hate their job a lot to sabotage the printing equipment. They also knew where all the cameras were so as to avoid them, and where the security office was, and the knowledge of how to turn off the copy room camera. It's definitely someone who works there. I wonder how they busted it all up without making any noise?

[Churchill]

Highly Classified Documents
>>Workstation has open source internet at it
>>lol

[Mina]

I wonder how they busted it all up without making any noise?

This is my biggest question I suppose. I hear the printer print all day long. How did I not hear someone shatter the shit out of it?

I'd like to know this. The guy had maybe 5 minutes tops to work with before the security guy made it back to the room. Half a minute after the guy left the security room is when a 2 second blurry arm (fair-skinned) appears and opens the door. Now I don't know how fast a person can army crawl from there and back to wherever he came from but roughly 5 minutes after the security guard leaves he returns from the bathroom. From there he turns on the camera and bolts to the room and looks around.

That's 5 minutes of him ninja'ing around the office building.

Highly Classified Documents
>>Workstation has open source internet at it
>>lol

To be fair, I convinced the IT guy to let me have free reign of the internet. Still working on getting youtube. I used to not be able to go anywhere outside of the select few vendor sites. Most people can't even get google in this office.

And the documents had client & employee data, that's supposed to be secured. No one is supposed to view this except those authorized, even internally. Not that the data is all that important to the story. It's just that I had to get it printed for my bosses before their meeting. :/ I could have done it yesterday but I didn't, mostly because I didn't want to bother locking up the print outs in a secured location (company policy, blah blah blah) and I was lazy. Figured I could do it in the AM before the meeting.

[archibaldcrane]

This story is fucking weird and great.

[Patriarch]

The suspicious guy in question has done what i can only dream about doing

10/10 on story

[shepardG]

fucking ninja racists.... he could have been anyone who's sneaky, I GUESS YOUR CIS PRIVELEGE ALLOWS YOU TO BLAME ALL THE NINJA'S,