Dear Spam: An experiment

[Ryko]

I've made it a point to start uttering socially awkward segues while pretending to be on the phone and passing people. I've already taken general's "I'm not a fan of terrorists but..." and have used "Look man I'm not saying roofies are the answer to everything but..." and "Well good job dodging the statutory charge" but I need more ammo.

Hlep

[thebearofscience]

shitty thread. posting in it.

[Ragnell]

Something with spiders? or guns?

[Ryko]

The few reactions I have been able to spot have made this worth the time, plus it gets me walking around more.

[Conrad]

"Well doing the abortion yourself would be cheaper, we already discussed this"
"Guns are too annoying because of the cleanup, you should go with rat poison instead"
"No, I don't know where you could find that much lube"

I'll think of more later

[Ryko]

Thank you.

[Ryko]

You see that? That's a bro looking out for another bro.

[Conrad]

"Well how did you get it that far up to get it stuck like that?"

[tyven]

i was going to go with something abortion related, my day has been ruined, thanks a lot skirk

[Ryko]

Skirkle was just quicker to the punch.

Sorry to cut to the chase like that.

[Ohaigaiz]

http://blogs.tampabay.com/juice/imag...1/07/fabio.jpg

[Obev]

"If you're going to do it, make sure she can hide the bruises under her clothes."

[Ragnell]

" I bled the last time we did that, you use more lube when you do that"

[antihero]

i couldn't poop this morning

[Absolutely Virtue]

"What I can't figure out is how the doctor could have told me I tested positive for swine flu, when I don't even feel that sick!"

Then cough and blow your nose.

[Tagus]

How fun!

One easy way to give yourself unlimited material is when choosing your mark, quickly identify a single characteristic about their physical appearance that they may be sensitive about, and exploit it by saying something into the phone that they might have an uncaring ass say to them irl.

For example...

When crossing the street at the same time as an overweight woman walking towards you, maybe hit them on the weight by saying, "All I'm saying is maybe lay off the cobler's!" into the phone.

When walking into a store as a balding man walks out, maybe throw out a, "dude u just need to hit up some Rogain on that motherfucker. I know it's greasy, but suck it up or shave it clean... like a pussy."

Also... add "like a pussy" to the end of any statement for emphasis.

[Ryko]

This, I can work with this.

[Davricle]

Depth of the trunk is always the first thing I consider when buying a car.

[Not Kuno]

If it wasn't for my horse I wouldn't of spent that extra year in college.

[Ishido]

What, you've never gotten off to the food network?