The Ultimate Water Bottle Thread

[kuronosan]

Okay, here we go again.

So I'm due to be married in about 8 months. My fiancee has this guy friend who won't leave her the fuck alone and she must enjoy talking to him. I'm not such an insecure guy because we've been together 4 years with only the road bump previously mentioned on the forum.

A few months back I stumbled on her facebook because she had been acting a little odd since I started working nights and saw that she had been messaging this guy who has a girlfriend and kids already and he was basically flirting. Then I saw him telling her (in so many words) that he wants her (lol, jk - saying jk makes it a joke) for more than just sex.

So I'm expecting her to be like "Bitch, I'm getting married lol" but no, she goes along with the "joke" and "teases" him for "fun" because it's "what they joked about in school" lol. Then she basically said that she fantasized about him (also part of the teasing, lol) but she was happy with me and wouldn't trade me for anything.

I flipped my lid on her the next day and exploded, asking her if she really thought this was respectful of me and she started crying saying it was just a joke. Things simmered down, she apologized, and I told her she needed to respect her boundaries more; that flirting was okay but acting like that was totally unacceptable to me.

Fast forward to about 3 months later, and I stumbled onto her facebook again, once again when she was acting weird, and this guy is still trying to clearly get in her pants (but she says he's not) complete with "lol how's that soft booty". Now this time I expected her to say "look I love my husband piss off" but to no avail. Instead it's "man missed talking to you more instead of once in a blue moon" and this guy is making comments like "come lay with me" to which she says "you wish".

Now BG, I love this woman very much. I don't love her so much that I'm blind to bullshit and I've asked her several times to level with me on this but every time all I get is "so what I'm supposed to stop talking to him now" when clearly my feelings are more important. The last thing I want to do is hurt someone that I want to make my wife, but the last thing I want is to make someone my wife who would hurt me.

So you tell me, am I an asshole for confronting her when her behavior is suspicious and so are these messages? I feel like I need to tell her it's either him or me at this point because frankly I'm starting to get real sick of feeling like I'm busting my ass to take care of someone and then feeling as if I'm an insecure dick who doesn't trust her. I trust her, to some extent, but I know this man clearly wants to wet his dick and she keeps rationalizing saying he's just joking.

Should I message this guy and tell him to back the fuck up?

What would you do BG?

P.S. When I told her I couldn't believe she had said those things to another man, she told me I needed to get over it and trust her more.

[Dotsudoku]

This woman is not fit for marriage, at least for the time being. Nothing you do or say will change that.

[Vandole]

hit her with a waterbottle, call her a filthy whore, then j-j-j-jam it in with your p0n0s into her vag00

Spoiler: show

tell her you dont find it funny, and if she values his respect over yours to get out

[Tekki]

2nd Dotsudoku. Nothing good will come of this and if you let that seed fester, it can really destroy any attempts to making a long term relationship. I had a girl i thought i would marry do the same thing. I got smart and moved on. It hurt like hell, but i knew it was for the best.
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[Deadgye]

Should I message this guy and tell him to back the fuck up?

I'd personally do this, but I don't know how the fiance is going to react to it. Try and explain to her that a guy doesn't say those things, jk or not, if he doesn't at least want it?

The posters above me probably have better opinions than me though, lol.

[kuronosan]

I did, and she said he's always acted like that. I feel like I need to say something now because she thinks this acceptable as long as she doesn't do anything with him, but it hurts me because I know he isn't joking. I guarantee if he had the chance he would try to jam his dock in her cradle, and I'm sure his girlfriend doesn't know.

[Deadgye]

Then he's always wanted to get in her pants. Why can't women pick up on this. D:

[Dotsudoku]

While it may seem superficially contradictory, he has very little to do with this. Your soon-to-be wife is not satisfied with monogamy. That doesn't make her a bad person, but it sure as hell doesn't make her a fitting spouse, either.

[Headspace]

Hit him with a water bottle

[Callisto]

I was in a situation like that, I was assertive about it, voiced my concerns, and was told straight to my face that nothing was going on and that she'd never do that to me, it was all just jokes. She was in fact fucking my roommate, I got saved from a huuuuge mistake seeing as how I was in the middle of shopping for a ring for the girl. The two of them ended up getting married, then divorced two years later because she cheated on him. I had suspected it for months and was told to not be so insecure and to trust her.

Don't bother taking it up with the guy, honestly he's just being a dude, and if you go after him you're the one that looks like the cro-magnon dickhead marking your territory. The decision is hers, if she's not mature enough/comfortable enough with your relationship to tell him to knock it the fuck off then that's a hell of a red flag. Not saying to dump her, but I'd at least delay the marriage/call off the engagement and tell her you don't feel she's ready for it just yet. She should be the one getting hit with the water bottle, not the dude.

tl;dr: Do not marry this girl currently. I'd bold, underline, italicize, and wingdings 'Do not' if I thought any of that would stress it remotely as much as I wanted to convey.

[kuronosan]

She's a little naive and thinks he's being really friendly and funny. I do know she loves me, because I see it in her eyes and I read people real well. But in them I see something I'm not happy about, and that's the lack of respect for my feelings. We're European, if that helps.

[Judai]

Message the guy and tell him to back the fuck off with the sexual jokes. Tell your woman she isn't being respectful to you by flirting with this guy and letting him talk like that to her. If that ends things, then she wasn't worth it and it wasn't going to work out. I do the same things with friends all the time, "I want you, j/k" and I want to bang them, so he wants to bang your woman.

[Dotsudoku]

You can love someone and be (presently) unfit for monogamy.

[Tyche]

I've been in your situation, sort of...I played the part of your wife. Do yourself a favor and either cut her off from him completely or get rid if her. There is no middle ground here.

[Callisto]

She's a little naive and thinks he's being really friendly and funny. I do know she loves me, because I see it in her eyes and I read people real well. But in them I see something I'm not happy about, and that's the lack of respect for my feelings. We're European, if that helps.

dingding, here's the issue. Regardless of if she's going to cheat on you, if she doesn't care enough about your feelings to follow through on a reasonable request, which you are making, you really should not be putting your future with her.

[kuronosan]

Also, when I tell her about him wanting it her reply usually is "lots of guys want it but you're the only one who will ever get it". Sometimes it makes me feel better but it's hardly reassuring when she continues to let him talk like that.

Hell, even when I told her honestly that I went into her facebook because I was concerned she told me she can't believe I violated her privacy and I told her "This guy talking like he has/wants to fuck you trumps violation of privacy so don't come with that shit".

I think what hurts the most is realizing that I really do cherish her, but I simply cannot allow her to allow this behavior to continue and it makes me feel like a douche because I don't want to be that "do as I say" guy. I do enough as it is.

[Callisto]

I do the same things with friends all the time, "I want you, j/k" and I want to bang them, so he wants to bang your woman.

Yeah, I've never told a girl I wanted to shoplift the pooty and not meant it, even if it was said to be funny.

[TacoTaru]

Don't bother taking it up with the guy, honestly he's just being a dude, and if you go after him you're the one that looks like the cro-magnon dickhead marking your territory. The decision is hers, if she's not mature enough/comfortable enough with your relationship to tell him to knock it the fuck off then that's a hell of a red flag.

So a guy interfering with someone else's relationship and not recognizing reasonable boundaries isn't at least partially at fault because "he's just being a dude"?

*Edited since I'm sure someone will think I meant he's entirely the fault

[Callisto]

So a guy interfering with someone else's relationship and not recognizing reasonable boundaries isn't at fault because "he's just being a dude"?

No, he's being a douche, but he isn't going to force her to sleep with him either. There's not likely going to be a positive thing to come from going after the guy rather than the fiancee. He'll look like a possessive jerkoff which will probably drive her away if things were fixable. The issue isn't other guys hitting on his fiancee, if anything he should be glad that he's not the only one who thinks that he's not about to marry an uggo. The issue is her returning the attention, and that needs to be fixed at her, not the guy, or else some other douchebag will probably pop up later and the same shit will happen.

[hey]

So a guy interfering with someone else's relationship and not recognizing reasonable boundaries isn't at fault because "he's just being a dude"?

Sounds about right to me.