Moving Out

[kuronosan]

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind


Seriously though. I got approved for an apartment and I have all my furniture and everything in order but the issue is I haven't told my father yet (those of you who have tuned in in the past remember telling me about the issues I've had with my parents).

I don't really wanna hear any crap from him (since I'm almost 30 I don't really need to explain my desires) about moving but I don't want to just pull up with a moving truck in a few weeks and just disappear.

Does anyone have any advice as to what I should say? My dad is a pretty emotional guy (but I am not).

Also, inb4 warzone, women like confidence, etc.

[kyod]

You're 30. Tell him you're moving out and go. I mean, you should start living your life and not worry about what your dad thinks/feels/has to say.

Unless there is a huge part of this story I'm missing.

[Souj]

Yeah, I really don't know any of your backstory, but just tell him soon that you're moving out, and he'll just have to deal with it. Unless the backstory I'm missing is that he used to tie you up in the basement for weeks on end so you couldn't go anywhere...

Of course, I can;t really relate at all. I moved out right when I turned 18, and I didn't really give a shit what my parents thought/said cause most the time they were always drunk off their ass and didn't care anyways.

[kuronosan]

No real back story. My dad's overly clingy to his kids and has a history of getting emotional because he feels like my girlfriend is "stealing me" from them and that I should spend my time with them while forcing my girlfriend (who doesn't like my stepmother) to get along with them. tl,dr; His wife is mental and has insulted my girlfriend and her family and even went so far as to call up one of my friends to tell them to influence me to break up with her because she's "awful". My girlfriend stands her ground and tells them to butt the fuck out and stop acting like jerks, and they in return say that she's a rude, spoiled brat (who works 25-30 hour work weeks while going to school full time because she doesn't get financial aid to pay her tuition).

I feel as a 30 year old I don't have to justify my choices but it's gotten to the point where she doesn't even come over anymore and I have to go see her because my dad's wife "get's sick to her stomach" when she comes over. It just caused me to wake up and go "Hold on, I'm a fucking adult. I don't have to put up with this". So I saved money and got a place of my own.

Oh, and whenever I try to talk to my father about it, all I hear is "I pay your cell" ($15/mo extra on his bill), "I pay your cable" ($10/mo extra because it's just an extra box), "I pay your car insurance" ($21/mo), and "I paid off your car" (cost me $9000, I paid $6000 of it before I lost my job). I'm just tired of having things held over my head. I can take care of myself.

[Souj]

Well, tell him or not, that's up to you. If he keeps talking about the stuff he's paid for, tell him to sue you over it.
and where the hell do you get $21/month car insurance? Lowest I can get is $65 for a 96 Nissan Maxima lol

[Snick]

Tell him you're gay.

[kuronosan]

Well, I was quoted an insurance policy on my car and that was what it came out to was roughly $20-25/mo.

Also, I'm sure that he'll be rambling off with things such as "oh it's because of her" or "oh it's because of us" or "oh you don't have to do this live at home it's cheaper blah blah".

He's already tried to influence me to stay here instead of go to graduate school in New York.

[Cream Soda]

Bitches love confidence

[Norellicus]

1) You're an adult, free to make your own choices. If you want to move, do so. Your father cannot legally prevent you from making this move.

2) As for dealing with the drama, either deal with it now or deal with it later (hint: it's almost always easier to do it now and get it over with than to let assumptions and accusations run wild over the course of time). There's no way you're going to avoid it completely based on your description of his personality, so best get it out of the way. Don't make a big deal out of it, just make it clear that you are in charge of your own life and you have decided that it's time you took a different direction from theirs.

3) As for the things he's trying to hold over your head, point out that he is free to drop those services once you leave as they will no longer be needed, he's actually saving money so what's the problem? I'm not quite sure how the $3k discrepancy on the cost of your car works but you can work out an agreement (IN WRITING) to repay him if it's that big a deal. The other parts of it will be easily replaced by your own services in the new place; the only snag you may hit is if his name is cosigned on the title of your car, if it is then you'll probably want to get it removed to prevent any confusion over insurance.

[Takedown3]

why in the fuck are you living in your parents house at 30 anyway

[Souj]

He's too attached, and you're being too timid.
I don't know shit about Psychology, but I really think the best way out of this is to just not care what he or your family has to say at all. Let them ramble, let them complain, let them beg, let them bitch. just don't waver and stick with your decision.

I'm aware the economy sucks, and I'm not making fun or anything, (I'd have lived at home longer myself in retrospect), but 30years old and still living with your parents is pushing it.

[Cream Soda]

why in the fuck are you living in your parents house at 30 anyway

Why not? If I had this option, I'd sure be doing it (if rent free). Free > not free

[kyod]

Why not? If I had this option, I'd sure be doing it (if rent free). Free > not free

Independence. Living your life. Starting a career and family. Adulthood. Living on my own was the best thing that happaned to me. Living on my own taught me to be so much better with my money than when I lived at home. I took way more risks than living at home with a safety net.

I mean, my family isn't intolerable. But I after 24 or so, I couldn't imagine ever living at home (unless I lost everything and had to move back).

[tyven]

this movie was better when it was called 40 year old virgin

[Tagus]

Controlling parents are tough. Just tell him, expect it to go poorly, and make it happen anyway. Gotta pull the trigger sometimes when you know it's for the best, or you'll look back on a whole lot of regret and wasted time.

Assuming you can support yourself financially.

[kuronosan]

Yes, except I'm not a virgin. The reason for the delayed move is because I made bad choices when I was younger and got out of high school and I didn't get to go anywhere or accomplish anything until I actually started going back to school. Now that I'm closer to finishing medical school and my finances are ironed out (after he ruined them) I'm more self-sufficient and ready to go. I would have done it a year or two ago but all I kept hearing from him is what a colossal mistake would be. After what I've dealt with the last year, I realize the colossal mistake was not being self-sufficient sooner. I'm happy to say it wasn't really my desire to live at home when I moved here, but I'm getting a little tired of my father harping on me about how he doesn't get to see me anymore or we don't hang out anymore or we don't this or that anymore. It's tiresome.

[Cream Soda]

Independence. Living your life. Starting a career and family. Adulthood. Living on my own was the best thing that happaned to me. Living on my own taught me to be so much better with my money than when I lived at home. I took way more risks than living at home with a safety net.

I mean, my family isn't intolerable. But I after 24 or so, I couldn't imagine ever living at home (unless I lost everything and had to move back).

I was unaware you had to live on your own to have a career. Codependency is the best, imo. Get to the point where you have your own resources and don't NEED any one else, but still take from the resource pool of others, as not to drain your own and at any point, if something goes wrong, you don't need anyone else, because you have the means of self support as a back up plan.

[Tagus]

Codependency is definitely the best if it's a good situation, but it sounds like your dad is an emotional leech. Not to sound harsh. After he gets used to the idea he might even support your efforts even if only to keep you in his life, once you're out of the house.

[AoE]

Move out for yourself, not for your dad. I tell people close to me straight up, at the end of the day, I'm putting myself first when it comes to success in life. If you don't like the direction I'm going when it's beneficial to me, that's your own problem to deal with not mine. Sounds dickish but only you know what's best for yourself.

[kyod]

I was unaware you had to live on your own to have a career. Codependency is the best, imo. Get to the point where you have your own resources and don't NEED any one else, but still take from the resource pool of others, as not to drain your own and at any point, if something goes wrong, you don't need anyone else, because you have the means of self support as a back up plan.

Well obviously. But a lot of people choose to stay at home because it's a whole lot easier and less responsible than moving out on your own. In fact, people will, unintentionally, hold themselves back so they don't have to move. The mindset is: "I can ride this gravy train for a long time, why bother?" Not saying all people do this, but I know people with this mindset.

I can see the argument for codependency, but I'm not a fan of it. If you have the resources to move out on your own (can pay rent, bills, grocery, put money into savings and have money left over), I see no reason not to. Moving out on your own teaches you to sink or swim and manage yourself more effectively, in my opinion at least. I think it's a huge part of being an adult.