Brill Weave Versus the Reverse Cowgirl

[Brill Weave]

It has been some time since I last spoke to you my friends. Sadly yours truly is in the midst of much personal upheaval. The likes of which haven't been seen since Gentle Ben became my neighbor. This tale is not about the perils and pitfalls of conceiving. It is about one man's stand for what is right and good in this world. It is about drawing a line in the sand that no man, nay woman, will cross.

My beloved wife and I have been attempting to bless our happy home with the pitter patter of little feet, as yet sadly, unsuccessfully. My wife has become fully engrossed in a natural occurring phenomena known as "baby fever." Every decision that is now made in my humble abode is made with one factor in mind, nonexistent baby.

Now for you youngsters reading, this is fact. It will happen to you. As sure as Mizango is white, it will happen. I can't lie, my primary concern is to forward my legacy by siring an heir. I have already warned my beloved wife about the dangers of birthing a baby girl to me. Women's hockey is not a sport anyone other than butch lesbians care about. My child will be a masculine child. Whether or not said child has a cooter. I won't even get into the "names" my beloved wife has already thrown out there. Lily Rain? I may as well stamp slut on her forehead with that name and pick her up a pair of fluffy handcuffs to go along with her strip routine.

But I digress.

T'was a Tuesday if memory serves. I had just been promoted to head of the cog division. Along with it, a change of schedules. Gone was my ideal Monday through Friday work week. Replaced with a Thursday through Sunday 10 hour day work week. The wife and I had just last night proceeded to have relations.

This is no boast my friends. I am fairly large in groinal area. Yes Mizango, it can happen to white guys. As such my wife generally has a hard time going repeatedly. And sadly, many have the times been where an errant thrust ended up somewhere else that is not to be named which can cause accidental tearing.

So I had assumed all would be quiet on this serene Tuesday night. After several hours of getting caught up on the last few episodes of the Walking Dead I received a phonecall from my beloved wife. My world was about to be shattered and all that I held dear would do nothing save cause me pain.

You see my friends, my beloved wife did not call me to ask how my day was. No kind words. Just a mechanically cool voice that instilled fear as soon as I heard it.

"I'm ovulating, be ready when I get home."

Now being a virile man, I naturally assumed that things like this were only said in bad sitcoms. My initial amusement was shed quickly as the rest of the statement wormed it's way into my brain. Ovulating stems from the word Ovul which when translated from Latin means Oval. Eggs are roughly oval. My thought process complete, I immediately forgot all this when the thought of having sex took center stage. And so I waited.

Time never seems to move quickly enough when you're looking forward to something. Yet when that moment arrives, it never seems to be worth the waiting. I tried to occupy myself. Fallout New Vegas can only entertain so much. A quick glance at the clock confirmed my fears. Only an hour had passed.

Now I was faced with a conundrum. Do I attempt to entertain myself for the three hours before my wife gets home? Or do I attempt to ignore time and go to sleep? I chose sleep. My fate had been sealed.

I awoke to a strange sensation and a weight on my lap. As I cracked open my eyes, what should appear? My wife's back rocking away. As I said before, I am a virile male, so I instantly reacted. As we're moving along I notice my wife is slowly elevating herself a little higher every few seconds. In my sex sleep fueled fog I didn't hear the warning bells that were no doubt going off.

Up, and out. Down and bent in half with another person's weight on top of it.

Pain. The type of pain a man can't even put into words. It felt like my crotch was Dresden and the Allies were firebombing me. I was in agony. My beloved wife looked back at me and stared, wondering what had happened. As I lay there convulsing in silent agony, my wife did what she assumed was natural in that situation.

She climbed back on.

Well now a new level of pain assailed me. The pain fueled by anger. I resolved to not let my child be born in the throes in shame and gross personal injury. I would man up and see this ride through to the end. And that is what happened my friends. Let it not be said by any woman that a man does not suffer during childbirth. We have paid for our suffering before the hellspawn is released. That moment is the culmination of our great plans of vengeance for rides gone wrong.


Long story short, up too high and she came down at the wrong angle. Have about an inch that's essentially a giant blood blister. All in the pursuit of a child

[Chun Liroy]

lmao.

[Max™]

*salute*

[Sqwunk]

I was worried, I laughed, I felt pain. Good story

[edit] those were my reactions to the events in the story, not a troll to tldr your post

[pogejr]

What's a "cog division"?

[Kerberoz]

Fuuuuuuck, just reading that was painful. Need brain bleach.

[dudeguy]

No matter how uncomfortable it is for them, this must be read to your children and grandchildren when they can understand the gravity of the your sacrifice for their existence. Well done sir.

[Dmitry]

Uncle Brill, where do babies come from?

[Wakabo]

10/10 would read again lol.

[Shalyn]

Amazing...

[OzzofAsura]

Your entire penis is now a blood blister?!











:D

That was a good story. *claps*

[Blubbartron]

Broke Dick Fountain?

[Blabj]

So you were raped by your wife, then she assaulted you, and she's getting away with it?! I say take her to court, file for custody, raise your son in a perfect image of yourself, control him to do your evil bidding and become the head of an evil empire with yourself controlling the strings of power, only to be usurped by your now ex-wife's daughter and killed in a suitable epic arena of battle such as a platform suspended high above a seemingly never ending tunnel.

[Max™]

^ actually the correct answer.

[Rhinox]

lol nice job

[Gekii]

this was so powerful, i decided to go home and become a family man. great story as usual, dont ever stop!

[Zellgadiss]

Excellence in text. Good luck to you, sir.

[Valkrish]

I did everything within my power to try and high-five you across the world...

wow.

[AoE]

Shoulda video taped. Not like we'd know it's you and your wife if you kept it anonymous.

[Emirii]

Nice story, I've done this to a boyfriend before and I felt sooo bad... But good luck on conceiving, I can't wait to have baby myself.